I'm that guy...
Written by Dave Fulton   
Tuesday, 27 March 2018 07:52

For years I remember being annoyed at being delayed by some parent with their child doing something I felt they could've done somewhere else. Case in point? I think it's great that you're teaching your child to walk up stairs but does the lesson really need to take place on the stairs leading out of the London tube station at Piccadilly? At noon? You're tempted to just push past but the thought of knocking over mummy or daddy and leaving them on the stairs bleeding while they try and comfort their son Tarquin or whatever might be a bit extreme. Or rather what I always really wanted to do was just snatch the child up and carry it to the top of the stairs dumping them to one side out of the way of the rest of us but I'm sure there's some sort of law against that. Obviously the others following the juvenile lesson in climbing stairs were just as annoyed but after they got to where they were going 5 minutes later than they hoped they told anyone within earshot what had just happened and how children should not whatever and blah blah blah. How important we all are, eh? That was then, this is now. A break for Easter is coming up and one of the things my son and I like to do is go into London and get some lunch in Brixton which is always fun for me to have the residents do double takes at the white guy with the black kid. My son is incredibly independent and the last thing he wants is for daddy to pick him up and haul him up the stairs no matter how many people are behind us. Even when there's an escalator he still wants to climb the stairs which is great because I despise just standing on the moving steps with all the others. That's one of the many great things about London is that they have signs everywhere on the escalators reminding everyone that you stand on the right to allow others to climb the moving steps on the left. Sure wish America would adopt that rather than treat the escalator like it's some right and privilege to ride up wherever they feel like. Another reason obesity might be an issue there but that's something I'll address later I'm guessing. So now I'm that guy with my son climbing the stairs him holding the railing on one side and me holding his hand on the other with loads of people feigning patience behind us. Do I turn and do the apologetic smile? Not a chance. And if you race by us and knock either one of us over I can now call you a racist while I'm kicking the crap out of you on at the top of the stairs. And if my son ask what I'm doing I'll tell him I'm just helping the rude man up off the ground.

 

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