Written by Dave Fulton   
Thursday, 25 August 2011 10:58

Time and time again people say timing is everything. No shit. Especially if you’re a comedian thinking about doing a show for the Edinburgh Festival in August. The time of day a comic puts on their show can be just as important if not more so as the timing of whatever punchlines they may or may not have come up with. An act needs to first look at what kind of show they think they have. Should it go on earlier in the day and compete with drama students from schools that can be so exclusive they couldn’t even afford to ask directions to the exit? Will it pull audiences’ from kiddy shows where adults dress up as famous murderers from history and do their best to make light of their bloody contributions by re-enacting bad decisions? Go on later in the day leaning towards the evening and into the night and you could find yourself competing with comedians the general public sees everyday on television whether they want to or not. Comedians talking about things they have no knowledge of but will skillfully gloss over the facts to get to the safe punchline written for them by someone being paid to stay off the stage because they have a wonky eye or they’re considered too old or under educated. There is an hour to put on a show, a sort of golden time to get in on just after this deluge of pre-programmed guffaws but before the shit storm of multi-act laden shows. These are the showcase events where the acts who are represented by the power broker agents toss their wares in just because they can and as a result push out the lesser competent acts who could really use the £50. This golden time begins roughly half way through 9 pm but needs to wrap up at or before 11 pm. This is the time where comedians are tossed in a little later than the guaranteed sell-out acts so as to not upset the delicate balance that is the art of selling out both literally or otherwise but can still get away in time to sling jokes to drunks who paid just the right amount to see many comedians as opposed to just one. So, where did I end up in all these choices? Right where an act like mine belongs and much later than all of the envied time choices a comic thinks they want. I bring it to a small crowd in a small room above a high heeled slut factory filled with potential walking blow jobs being plied with booze by skinny jean wearing closet gays hoping one more slap from a chunky council waif will give them the excuse to jump the fence. A venue that for some reason is strategically next to a gay bar filled with youngsters who are convinced they have made the right choice all the while ignoring the brave homeless man and his dog outside who hope their outfits are too tight to hold spare change. Spare change they won’t rid themselves of as they feel the need to pool their financial resources together in order to purchase chips and deep fried processed meat from the corner chip shop so they can fuel up for later when they fight and fuck and vomit and see my show based on all that’s real.


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