And so it begins
Written by Dave Fulton   
Saturday, 17 March 2018 07:38

Long time no post. Just as well. Quick update? I'm older, my dad died in June 2016 which was inevitable as it is for everyone but still sucks goat balls and lastly I'm a dad. That's right, a father, me. My wife and I adopted a little boy 3 years ago and he's five, was born in London and is black. Never thought I'd be a dad at this age but as my friend Joe told me, 'better an old dad than no dad'. Gosh, not used to doing the right thing but here we go; the big adventure. Considering one of my favorite pastimes is climbing frozen waterfalls my thinking was I can probably endure most anything. The problem with thinking like that is with climbing it eventually comes to an end, with raising a child the end comes when someone dies, in this case preferably me. I've come to love this little guy who is now my son I hope to spend as much time as I've got left being a part of his life. The lesson's I'm learning are staggering! It's crazy but I'm learning its one thing to adopt and raise a white boy but it's not necessarily the same when raising a boy that's black. In reality there's no difference, a boy is a boy however it's other people who like to think there is and will tell so much in ways that range from subtle to just down right ignorant. Examples I've heard from people some of which I'd like to think are friends? I tell them about him kicking off like all kids do and they come back with 'is it because he's black?' Amazingly ignorant. Then I'll take him to a play group and the white middle class mother running things is all smiles and welcoming then directs us away from the white kids and towards other children of color. In her mind she's trying to make us feel comfortable but in reality of course she's the one trying to feel comfortable. One of my favorites is when people ask where he's from and I tell them he was born in London. They pause in an effort to process this because they were expecting me to name some country in Africa. Some even go so far as to want to know what his ethnicity is so I ask them if they'd like to hear mine first. This calls them out and before they can answer I tell them in America I'm considered Scotch/Irish. My family came over to America before the American revolution and settled in western Pennsylvania and even participated in the whisky rebellion. Me rambling on like this usually gets them to forget their original question. What's great is my son has my last name so I guess by default he's inherited all that as well. How cool is that? On the flip side I hope to expose him to as much as the origins of his ethnicity as I can to not just educate him but to satisfy my Idaho raised curiosity as well. Gotta go, he wants hard boiled eggs for breakfast.

Filming a comedy show!
Written by Administrator   
Sunday, 17 March 2013 14:24

Stand-Up Comedy Show

SHOOT DATE: Tuesday 19 March, 2013, 1:30pm - 4pm
LOCATION: The Battersea Barge, Vauxhall, SW8 5PZ


We will be filming some stand - up comedy on The Battersea Barge on Tuesday 19th March, and we are looking for a lively audience of 40 people to come along and enjoy the show!

There will be beer tokens for the bar to help loosen your laughter :) and every member of the audience will receive a free digital download of the show, plus we hope you will have a very enjoyable couple of hours being entertained by award winning comedians Dave Fulton and Steven Seller

If you would like to be in the audience * please email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it with your full name & mobile number and we will send you confirmation. Then, just turn up and enjoy the show! :)

Written by Dave Fulton   
Thursday, 25 August 2011 10:58

Time and time again people say timing is everything. No shit. Especially if you’re a comedian thinking about doing a show for the Edinburgh Festival in August. The time of day a comic puts on their show can be just as important if not more so as the timing of whatever punchlines they may or may not have come up with. An act needs to first look at what kind of show they think they have. Should it go on earlier in the day and compete with drama students from schools that can be so exclusive they couldn’t even afford to ask directions to the exit? Will it pull audiences’ from kiddy shows where adults dress up as famous murderers from history and do their best to make light of their bloody contributions by re-enacting bad decisions? Go on later in the day leaning towards the evening and into the night and you could find yourself competing with comedians the general public sees everyday on television whether they want to or not. Comedians talking about things they have no knowledge of but will skillfully gloss over the facts to get to the safe punchline written for them by someone being paid to stay off the stage because they have a wonky eye or they’re considered too old or under educated. There is an hour to put on a show, a sort of golden time to get in on just after this deluge of pre-programmed guffaws but before the shit storm of multi-act laden shows. These are the showcase events where the acts who are represented by the power broker agents toss their wares in just because they can and as a result push out the lesser competent acts who could really use the £50. This golden time begins roughly half way through 9 pm but needs to wrap up at or before 11 pm. This is the time where comedians are tossed in a little later than the guaranteed sell-out acts so as to not upset the delicate balance that is the art of selling out both literally or otherwise but can still get away in time to sling jokes to drunks who paid just the right amount to see many comedians as opposed to just one. So, where did I end up in all these choices? Right where an act like mine belongs and much later than all of the envied time choices a comic thinks they want. I bring it to a small crowd in a small room above a high heeled slut factory filled with potential walking blow jobs being plied with booze by skinny jean wearing closet gays hoping one more slap from a chunky council waif will give them the excuse to jump the fence. A venue that for some reason is strategically next to a gay bar filled with youngsters who are convinced they have made the right choice all the while ignoring the brave homeless man and his dog outside who hope their outfits are too tight to hold spare change. Spare change they won’t rid themselves of as they feel the need to pool their financial resources together in order to purchase chips and deep fried processed meat from the corner chip shop so they can fuel up for later when they fight and fuck and vomit and see my show based on all that’s real.

Act Your Way to Riches
Written by Dave Fulton   
Tuesday, 13 July 2010 11:26

                                                                                                                                                                             July 12 2010…late

I fucked up. I should’ve been an actor. Instead I went to university and got a degree in music composition and went on to work on my masters at Manhattan School of Music in NYC. What I time that was. That’s pre-Giuliani mid 80’s Manhattan when you really could get killed for a quarter in Times Square. What a shit hole it was back then. It was great. Back then I went hungry, a lot, worked at a sporting goods store near Union Square, lived in a one room at the Chelsea Hotel and witnessed some of the best live jazz ever. Old guys I only read about who even though they were on the dirty side of fifty or sixty they still brought a soulfulness and believability to what they were doing so much so that you didn’t care if they dropped a note or two. It was fucking real. It was also apparent I didn’t have the patience to one day play with one of those guys let alone be one. And all that time I should’ve kicked the music to the curb and gotten into acting. I didn’t because I never liked most of the other idiots I came across trying to be actors. I found them boring and weak in character. Guess I was hanging with the wrong crowd. Besides most of the actors I ever knew in high school that got all the plays and stuff were either gay, Mormon or both. I could never be a Mormon as I never liked organized religion much let less one based on an extinct white tribe living in North America that Jesus stopped by to visit after the Jews nailed him to a tree and Gay? Not a chance. I liked girls and their vaginas way too much to get used to the taste of cock. Also, doing any kind of theater in North Idaho in the seventies was just another excuse to get your ass kicked on a regular bases and I didn’t need any more of that considering I was carrying a trombone to school every day and wearing glasses.

Sometime later I got into doing stand-up comedy because it was easier than shoveling shit, selling line protection in a boiler room and robbing graves. All of which I have done. Really. Once I got into the comedy racket I figured all I need to do is stay booked in the clubs and try and not look too much like an idiot. That last part I’m still working on. Had I instead trained to be an actor with the instincts of a comic I might’ve been able to know more about self promotion and eventually script up an act that would give people what they want night after night as opposed to just trying to avoid a day job. A scripted comedy routine that was friendly and quick to the mark. Sell the same shit with the same smile and not bring up some idea or incident I thought was funny but at the same time made others stare and search for a label to pin on me because it made them feel better for laughing when no one else around them would. I might have even learnt to keep my big mouth shut off stage as well. Since I’ve been doing this I’ve been called a lot of things while on stage, misogynistic, racist, anti-Semitic, anti-American, homophobic (when I lesbian hits you in the face you’re not supposed to hit them back) and gross. Okay, I’ll take that last one. My favorite review is still the one the News of the World gave me years ago, “…irritating even when funny.”

Edgy? What the hell is that? Near as I can figure the only true edge is honesty and I’m guilty as hell for having not done that with any regularity. I wish I would’ve known that nowadays to be insanely successful self promotion is way more important than being funny or original or honest. Give the business a promo package with a couple of slick headshots, pray they don’t fall for more white guilt and hope for a miracle. Someone recently told me in comedy, what do you call a thief who steals from the best? A millionaire. So, now that that’s off my chest I’ve found that maybe I’m starting to become that old guy in the dark club just trying to find that right “note” all the while dropping one or two or more. Will I ever be written up in some book or recorded or…? I don’t know. It’d be nice but right now I’ve decided to go back to what I know best. Staying booked and paying a few bills and when I have enough money I’ll head off to the mountains to climb. And finally I’m pretty sure I can sleep nights knowing I got whatever meager career I have from not taking some stand-up comedy class. Gawd bless your pointed head Doug Stanhope for pointing out the issues with that scam better than anyone ever could. By the way Doug, $2900 in the bank is still fuck you money for some of us. Hell I’ve bought scratch tickets on the way to gigs with the hope that I’ll reveal 3 smiling cats and win $500 so I don’t have to go to some place like Vacaville California. “I’d love to come and perform at your Montana truck stop but I just won a free scratch ticket so I’ll take my chances here.”

Where to go...
Written by Dave Fulton   
Saturday, 13 March 2010 12:07

March 13 2010

The problem with a blog is once you start you feel a responsibility to continue. My problem is not that I don’t have some of my own crap to throw onto the growing heap of personal opinions but rather I seem to have too much crap and I can’t seem to put in order what’s going out next. So here is goes: Recently I was having a coffee with a fellow North American comic, read Canadian. Let me stop there for a moment, to call him that would put him in with some of the other Canadians I run into overseas who feel the need to do whatever they can to distance themselves as quickly as possible from Americans. My friend is more than that. And as far as other Canadians go I hope they aren’t blowing random shit on America in an effort to further their careers but rather going for cheap laughs. What any North American comic living abroad needs to realize is most Europeans in the entertainment industry couldn’t give a crap whether you’re American or Canadian, either way you are not getting any work they can give to one of their own no matter how qualified you might be. Unless of course you’re a minority and if that is the case more power to you. If I was getting steady work as an ethnic minority or a woman for that matter I would go off to some secret room and have a good giggle just thinking about the possibility of somewhere out there some narrow minded white mainstream males are envious because they can never be anything more than that. And if such a mainstream idiot did object straight into my government recognized minority face I would hope to have the guts to stare them back in their face and tell them it sucks to be you for once. Damn, once again I’m getting off track. So I was having a few too many afternoon coffees with my north of the border comic friend in London when he pointed out that he noticed more and more comics are choosing to go on tour than work the clubs and in some cases even bypassing the club circuit and going straight to the tour. Again more power to them. If this new crop of comics can find an audience for what they’re selling without being subjected to some form of combat comedy may they rock on with their bad self. Granted they may never know the thrill of being in a rough comedy club with strangers who have made the decision to come out to see comedy, any comedy and they don’t know who you are or what show you’re trying to get on they just want to laugh and the big difference I see in the UK as opposed to North America is you better bring your game on really quick bucko or they will chop off your head and scoop out the goo that you thought was clever. They don’t give a shit that The Scotsman gave you 5 stars or you had 7 meeting with the head of comedy at the BBC. The people who come to comedy clubs come to see comedy. Any comedy. Unfortunately that may be some of the problem with the stand-up circuit in the UK. Supposedly everyone on the bill is more or less equal and if you’re the strongest one on that night you’re still getting paid the same or pretty close to the same as the guy who didn’t do as well. People come out to support the club and not necessarily the performers and as a performer if you want to start building an audience you can’t do it from the clubs like you can in North America. You have to go on tour. Now, does going on tour appeal to an old jokeslinger like me? Sure why not and I’d do it tomorrow if I had a bigger profile but I don’t for numerous reasons the least of which being I carry the wrong passport. So in the meantime I’ll enjoy the clubs and when the tour phase starts to buckle from it’s own weight and those comics have to come back to the clubs I’ll be waiting and you can finally start closing the shows for the same money I’m getting.

And so it continues...
Written by Dave Fulton   
Tuesday, 23 February 2010 16:46


After much deliberation I've decided to wait one more year to do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland. In theory, the fringe festival is a great idea. It's a place where a performer has a chance to bring up an idea that hopefully last no more than an hour and they can flush it out for a month till they have something they're happy with and with any luck a bit original as well. Unfortunately this workshop attitude it seems has not been the case for a few years and as I've learned quite recently if you don't bring your best game up you'll be crucified and forgotten very quickly. And that can make for the longest month of your life! That's too bad but I guess I can understand some of that. Competition for crowds is even fiercer than ever and the idea that something new and never seen might be discovered during the fringe is now a myth thanks to the internet. Also, it seems because of the price of seeing as many shows as possible I've been told that the crowds would rather go see an Edinburgh regular rather than take a chance on an unknown. Stick with the safe bet. Generally. And when I say safe bet I'm not referring to something that might be classified as a safe show I'm referring to something that has been coming back to Edinburgh year after year. Should I have come up sooner after my last visit in 2005? Fuck yeah but what's done is done. 

I got into doing stand-up because it was an act of rebellion to be able to make a living doing this. Hell it was a really great party. If you could make a living performing in comedy clubs you were on your way. Acting in a sit-com? It was never really an option. We were comics not actors. Being a regular on some panel show? It didn't exist. A national tour? Not unless your last name was Cosby. All that was 20 years ago. Now comedy has evolved into acts needing a game plan first and foremost and being funny and or slightly original is not as important as it used to be. Someone, not a comic, realized that this is a business and there was money to be made. Big money. And where there's big money integrity and originality sometimes takes a back seat. Those people writing the really big checks couldn't give a shit about where someone got their jokes or if they never really spent years in the comedy clubs working on their acts. They need you to be youngish, engaging, kinda clean and if they're lucky a minority. Thank Christ I've finally been able to laugh a bit at it all. It used to bother me but for some reason lately it doesn't. Maybe because I'm older, white, male, American and still just enjoy getting in front of a room full of strangers to see where it might go right at that moment. In the meantime over the next year or so I plan to flush out this idea I have that one day might be an Edinburgh show. Will it get me my own show? Not a chance. Will I lose money? Of course! Will I care? I sure as fuck hope not.




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